NOW PLAYING - Love Song by BIGBANG

THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY FCKIN' RIGHT!!

I hate this love song.

So it's 2:04 in the afternoon here. Blogging in class since I'm well ahead of the tasks I need to do. Srsly, they should consider having students take an assessment test before actually making them enroll in a class like this. If this class wasn't a requirement? I wouldn't have taken it >_>

ANYWAY

So what have I been up to? I've been doing some online audio LIVE podcasts at http://www.animealliance.asia/ph/live.html . It's becoming popular with an average of 20-ish listeners. Not bad for a start IMO. I hope it could match up to those who gets like, 200 listeners/cast!

But before that, some time 3 weeks back I think... I went to Dunellen for the first time. Then and there have I actually stepped into one of an actual arcade shops here in the East Coast. How I missed Initial D Version 3, Wangan Midnight Maximum Tune 3 and Daytona USA. I was disappointed though. The machines aren't well maintained as they advertised it would be, but it was playable. But what disappointed me more was the players around it. You'll have to catch your jaw from touching the ground if you see them play. You'll have to be an extra-noob to actually be on the same level as them. You can't even use the term "noob" at them since they're WAY worse than noobs. They can't even finish 2 sectors!! >_

OH! Last last Sunday I totally forgot to blog. I felt goosebumps when I heard the orchestra start!! DAMN how I want to play in an orchestra now. I need to polish my piano skills again and actually try-out? (LOL I wish.. I could dream right?). I listened to Tchaikovsky's violin concerto. It was so good yet so difficult that the lead violinist's strings snapped! They had to stop a bit. It's just weird though for encores, because when the audience started clapping at the end of the music, they walked out of the stage, re-entered, walked out then re-entered again, then walked out then re-entered THEN started playing for a few minutes, then exited, re-entered, exited then re-entered (with bows in between all the re-entry). I mean COME ON!!! I was like "Okay? Are you really leaving or what?" Are encores really like that??? That was the only stupid looking part, other than that, it was a whole different experience!!

I still have alot to say but I need to go to my work since class is ending!

I will try NOT to discuss my lovelife again hahahaha

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Only Heaven Knows...

This is one of the reasons why I don't want to fall anymore...

I don't know what to do now... at first we were doing well... in a sense we get along with each other smoothly... but.. I dunno.. there are times that she shuts me down, pushes me away and as if as I cannot be trusted with anything at all... I know I may not do things that much, but I try to be there for her but she doesn't even let me close... I agree time isn't something I have to give for now... but at times I want to know more of her... it seems that I get pushed away... it worries me more and I'm losing my confidence, hope and everything... I'm going nuts thinking of what might be wrong... is there another... or something else... it's all going in and out of my mind and I can't help it... I try to dig things up and all I get is nothing... I try to dig deeper and I still get nothing... I really don't know what to do now.. it's always

"it's nothing"

"I'm fine"

"don't worry"

"I'll be okay"

I trusted those words so much but I still can't hide the ping of worry if she is... I trust her enough when she says that... true I may be annoying at times of asking "are you alright" and "are you sure" 10 times or so.. but I think it's also my right to know... And right now... I feel totally helpless and lost... confused... angered... disappointed.. worried... sad... deluded... drained... exhausted... exasperated... tormented... perplexed.. uneasy and everything synonymous to it... but most of it is really helpless... the thought that I can't do anything to her... can't hug her... can't really say to her that I'm terribly worried... can't even show my emotions to her personally... and now I'm being pushed away... separated by a vast amount of water, and still being pushed to be seperated... I only wish I could swim through those treacherous waters, jump over that wall and tell her it's alright... and now I feel as if I've lost the will power to survive... the last of my sanity slipping away as I get pulled into darkness once again for the fear I might lose someone... someone dear.. I've lost someone once... twice and thrice... I just hope it doesn't happen again... I just hope history ends here and does not repeat itself on me... I've gone through alot already... I've had enough.. I want it to stop... end it here... start another revelation of my life... compose it with this someone I think would be perfect for me... it's all I wish for... I'll try and dedicate my time as I get it... and try to be with her whenever I can... and whenever i get there... make my dream into reality... I just hope all those could be fulfilled... but now it's also starting to slip away... I'm losing my grasp... I'm trying not to give up... but the confluence is against me... it's pushing me back and away... making me give up... I just hope she won't and that would give me enough strength to hang on and face my everyday life... and tell her I love you... truly, dearly...

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